Monday, December 26, 2011

It'll be a movie, please.

Dear Movie Man,
Hi. I'm writing to you so I can pitch the idea: CHILD COPS vs. DRUG TEENS

This idea is 100% copyrited and my cuzin is a lawyer so don't even think about it, JACK! If you want this movie to get made, you'd better play ball, otherwise: COURT.

OK, now that the formalities of threatening you are out of the way: THE PITCH:
The city is being overrun by drug teens. their loud rap parties and irresponsible loitering is causing the murder of everybody. The regular cops are too old to stop them, and the teen-cops are too on drugs (cuz turns out theyre drug teens as well). So, it looks like its up to the child-cops to save the city. And so on and so forth.

Dont forget to mail me so much money for this movie, otherwise, my cousen Jeremy will probubbly sue you. THATS HOW THE COOKIE CRUMBUMS!!!


Friday, December 23, 2011

RIP bedtime.

Grandpa was convicted of murdering bedtime. He's currently serving a life sentence in a federal recliner.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

the right thing to do

Listen up burglars and criminals, turn yourself in! Because otherwise: YOU STINK.

Monday, December 19, 2011


Badwont is a terrible store!!! I repreat! Badwont is a terribro stare!
I went there to do some Xmas shopping and the owner just stood there and shrieked this high pitch shriek at me the whole time. I tried to explain to him, "hey, stop it", but he just screamed and shrieked and burped these really aggressive burps till i left. I didn't even get to see the merchandise, though it smelled TERRIFYING.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Edward James Almost

Edward James Almost is a money making invention of me. All rights preserved. Copyright America, the year 2000. Amen.