Wake up America to the fact that I drew this!!!

#comics #truecrime

A photo posted by Lucas Held (@houseofrelax) on Feb 24, 2015 at 5:00pm PST

Open your ears...and your mind's ears.

Dear TED Talks,

Mr. Burpovitch's TED Talk last week was NOT GOOD. First of all, he NAILED AN ACTUAL POSTER to the flat screen! When this audience member pointed out that he was RUINING the flat screen he threatened to give me a "knuckle parmesan sandwich". He then proceeded to give a TED Talk that consisted of ONE SENTENCE, spending the remaining time reading silently to himself from a book about butts!!! He smelled like urine and I'm pretty sure he stole a fake plant from the lobby. In short: THIS WAS A TERRIBLE TED TALK!!!!

-Yours truly

Professor Bambam Bigelow, PHD

My New Year resolution is: make great toons and then sue myself for some wacky reason!

How To Relax When Asking Your Boss What's His Race

The investors' fair was a 1000% flop!

The Plan

Tinyface grew a beard to make his face look bigger!

Introducing: Businessmonkey

Pressing the flesh. Sealing the deal. Shrieking at the top of your lungs for non-stop 30 minute intervals. It's just business, baby. Listen, sometimes in order to manage client expectations you need to scratch some faces. But at the end of the day, we all go home to our nests high up in the trees for protection from leopards.

and no one ever did

*A note from the artist: Josh Hoffman peed his pants on May 3rd 1998. I just wanted to make that clear.

please stand by

Sorry so few new toons recently. 2014 has been kind of crazy. Gunna post some new stuff soon, but in the mean time here's an update on whats up so far this year:

-I got to write for season 3 of The Eric Andre Show!!! Probably one of the best experiences of my life so far. Keep an eye out for it this fall on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim.

-Acted in a couple commercials.

-Sold a video to College Humor. I'll post it when they do.

-Putting together a NEW book of cartoons. I'm really proud of this one. This time I got the kinks out and fired all the right people! Hopefully it will be available to purchase online. more info to come.

-I'm starting to experiment with watercolors. Kind of shitty, but you've got to start somewhere, you moron!

-Also, check out this Merle Haggard performance. It'll kick your soul in its ghostly balls.

I hope everybody is having a great decade!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what: IT WAS

I WILL teach you how to art.

Octopassover

Free book for fans!!!

Dear Raisinheads: Hi!!!!!! I have copies of my new/only book, Chivalry, and I want to give them away to anyone who thinks they have the guts to email/PM me their mailing address & just straight-up, flat-out ask for one! This life advice book of cartoons is available RIGHT NOW, FREE OF CHARGE because this is a bromotional event! OK?!? SHEEEEESH!!!!! P.S. This is no joke! Get one while subblies last, otherwise go to hell, babycakes!!!

that's why

My new tatz! It was either this or the Chinese symbol for pushups.

Wellp:

YO YO Y-

Relax, general public!

SERIOUS NOTE: Everybody needs to chill out about my art projects & stop asking if I need ambulances or a tissue! It's just ART PROJECTS to make you realize stuff like: "Wow, mother nature is incredible!" OK?!?

not to

unexpected

so-so

surprised

...Crickets

in control

Do your research!