Monday, December 26, 2011

It'll be a movie, please.




Dear Movie Man,
Hi. I'm writing to you so I can pitch the idea: CHILD COPS vs. DRUG TEENS

This idea is 100% copyrited and my cuzin is a lawyer so don't even think about it, JACK! If you want this movie to get made, you'd better play ball, otherwise: COURT.

OK, now that the formalities of threatening you are out of the way: THE PITCH:
The city is being overrun by drug teens. their loud rap parties and irresponsible loitering is causing the murder of everybody. The regular cops are too old to stop them, and the teen-cops are too on drugs (cuz turns out theyre drug teens as well). So, it looks like its up to the child-cops to save the city. And so on and so forth.

Dont forget to mail me so much money for this movie, otherwise, my cousen Jeremy will probubbly sue you. THATS HOW THE COOKIE CRUMBUMS!!!

Sincerely,
Myself

Friday, December 23, 2011

RIP bedtime.



Grandpa was convicted of murdering bedtime. He's currently serving a life sentence in a federal recliner.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

the right thing to do





Listen up burglars and criminals, turn yourself in! Because otherwise: YOU STINK.

Monday, December 19, 2011

thirdhand




WARNING:
Badwont is a terrible store!!! I repreat! Badwont is a terribro stare!
I went there to do some Xmas shopping and the owner just stood there and shrieked this high pitch shriek at me the whole time. I tried to explain to him, "hey, stop it", but he just screamed and shrieked and burped these really aggressive burps till i left. I didn't even get to see the merchandise, though it smelled TERRIFYING.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Edward James Almost



Edward James Almost is a money making invention of me. All rights preserved. Copyright America, the year 2000. Amen.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Get frantic, America!!!




Word to the wise for “Mr.” Danny DeVito: Ignoring people IS A FORM OF HARRASSMENT. Stop it.
I demand you respond to the charges that:
1. You are TINY.
2. You’re a idiot.
3. You gave my cousin Lyme’s disease.
So, the ball is in your court, Dummy DeVidiot. You can END this campaign of ignoring, or pay the price of: JAIL.
Either way, STAY OUT OF MY COMPOST BIN! I mean it. I bought a cat.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Baby Chicken Fridays should be ASHAMED of themselves!

Baby Chicken Fridays features a new cartoon featuring a baby chickens on Fridays! This is a promotional thing that gets the community involved! Enjoy!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

I'll handle this




Manners lesson time: when a LAYDY asks where's the bathroom, and you don't know...FIND THE FUCK OUT!!! Then make sure she gets there safe and is safe while she's in there. Safety is an important.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Baby Chicken Fridays

Baby Chicken Fridays features a new cartoon featuring a baby chickens on Fridays! This is a promotional thing that gets the community involved! Enjoy!



RUMEMBER: A FRENDLY game of football is supposed to be FRENDLY! SO DONT GLOTE, YOU IDIOT!!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

1/2



The determination and attitude of a hummingbird, plus the walking power of a human? You've got yourself a superhero who kind of looks like a penis!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

RSVP, Motherfucker!



The first Bar Mitzvah music videos were a little different. Lots more bragging about goat ownership - lots less professional editing.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Baby Chicken Fridays tm and Guest

Baby Chicken Fridays features a new cartoon featuring a baby chickens on Fridays! This is a promotional thing that gets the community involved! Enjoy!





I know I like to joke about Danny DeVito, but when push comes to shove he's really a great guy who just happens to be tiny and my enemy. BIG WHOOP. Thats no reason not to invite him to my garden party (where this pic was taken). I'm still suing him, though.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Baby Chicken Fridays tm

Baby Chicken Fridays features a new cartoon featuring a baby chickens on Fridays! This is a promotional thing that gets the community involved! Enjoy!


Thursday, February 24, 2011

It's that time again!




How did YOU celebrate National Dont-Shriek-at-Your-Grandparents Day? I celebrated by NOT shrieking at my grandparents.

Holidays like this remind me of a simpler time. A time when people remembered to take a break from the hustle & bustle of constantly shrieking and barking and screaming at their grandparents.

That being said, I'm glad it's just one day a year. Can you IMAGINE if it were every day - HOW DID THE PILGRIMS DO IT???