Friday, March 28, 2008

Rumors I'm Starting

It's documented fact that at the exact moment of Princess Diana's death, every infant under the age of 1 yr, all over the world, began to weep.

At the moment of Jessica Alba's birth, every infant in her hospital began to furiously masturbate...and not "furiously" as in "with enthusiasm". "furiously" as in "angrily".

If you say the Lord's Prayer backwards, God will slap the hell out of a random Saint, just like James Caan did to his brother-in-law in The Godfather. Then God will head over to the Playboy mansion to cool off.

The most commonly misspelled word on applicants' resumes: "diarrhea".

If youre a white person that talks like a black person youre 15 percent more likely to develope prostate cancer.

If your hand is smaller than your wrestling teammate's genitals, youre gay.

The lyric in the Warren Zevon song Wearwolves Of London: "little old lady got mutilated late last night- wearwolves of London again." is based on an actual "wearwolf" attack on an elderly London woman. The following is a transcript of the forensic inspector's comments at the crime scene:
"Victim is 87 year old Martha Wright...Tufts of blue hair ripped from victim and scattered all over room...victim still holding pieces of hardcandy- looks like she may have known the attackers!"