Tuesday, October 30, 2007

To The Guy Who Just Shot Me In A Knife Fight – (transcribed as it occurred)




Where-where'd you get that?!?


That gun! Where'd you get that gun?

Why do I ask? Oh, I dunno, maybe cuz I was under the impression this was a knife fight! Meaning we circle each other, while nervously switching our knives from our right to left hands. Then someone lunges & the other guy pulls back, then the other guy lunges & the first guy pulls back.

I mean, you challenged me to a knife fight, I figured you'd know what a knife fight was, but…

Ooo…owy owy…owch…

It-it just doesn't seem really fair…that you'd challenge me to a knife fight…we get all our respective friends out here at Blind Man's Bluff, and then you pull this garbage!

And I'm sorry, that's what it is! Garbage!

Why did we bother dressing in red leather jackets if we weren't gunna knife fight? You think I tie bandannas around my wrists and ankles for my health!?! It was for the knife fight, you jerk!

I can't believe I went out and spent $15 on a new switchblade spring for this! Yeah, I mean its always good to have a smooth action on your switchblade...but its like buying a new bathing suit for the beach, but then when you get to the ocean a Puerto Rican seagull shoots you in the stomach.

I mean, do you see where I'm coming from here? Am I making sense?

Y'know what? Apology NOT accepted. Talk to me later when I cool down. Right now I honestly don't even want to see you Carlos.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Just Headlines!!!

Crime Boss Impressed -Not Angry- That Kid Stood Up For Self. Baffles Contemporarys

How Old Is Being Too Old?

Ex Navy Seal Actually Does Like To Talk About It All That Much

Music Playing On Myspace Page Not Muted By Viewer.
Internet Thrown Into Brief Panic.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

German Tourist Traveling Alone Wants to Join Local Conversation

Mcglynn’s Pub, New York NY-
Guenther Spiegel, a 32-year-old German citizen, has been backpacking across America for the last 3 months. Like many German Tourists he is traveling alone and is, once again, eager for some local human interaction.

“Hahaha, you a liar!” He playfully interjected to a nearby conversation.
Attempting to clarify his point he continued, “You a liar that you don’t ever watch TV! Hahaha?”

“Yeah, you got me. I sometimes do watch TV.” Admitted a young man before turning back to continue his private conversation.

“You two are from New York?” Guenther asked, sliding in between the young man and woman.
Upon learning that the couple were actually from New Jersey Guenther’s face lit up.

“Hahaha?” Guenther asked.

“…Yeah, that’s…haha. New Jersey,” The young man agreed before taking a long sip of his drink.

Guenther’s proactive conversational abilities have steadily improved as he has continued his travels.
“At first, I felt uncomfortable, trying to strike up conversations with strangers. So now I join conversations that are already happening. Is more easier!”

“I’ve met all kinds of people this way. Ive met people who come to a bar often, and people who don’t. I’ve met people who were on dates with each other. I’ve met people who are uncomfortable speaking while at a urinal. I’ve even met people who say they never watch TV, but then admit that they do!”

“Everybody loves somebody they doesn’t know,” Guenther explained before leaning into the background of a photo being taken of a bachelorette party and flashing the peace sign.

“You have a cell phone?” He asked a nearby woman dialing her cell phone.

“Yeah, I do” she admitted.

Finally satisfied he had absorbed enough human interaction Guenter decided to call it a night.
“Time to ride the subway and stare at the map for a very long time.”