Monday, August 25, 2008

Japanese Punching-Scientists Punch Pregnant Whale for Science

Monday, August 25
Top Japanese punching scientists are conducting research on a pregnant whale caught off the coast of Antarctica.

"You'd be surprised how little the scientific community actually knows about how pregnant whales respond to getting punched," Said Dr. Yuko Fushi, in between scientific punches and carefully thought out open palm slaps.

"its too early to draw conclusions," Added Dr. Ishi Yanewa, before dropping his pen into the whale's open blow hole for emphasis.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Edgar Allan Poop: The Thinking Man’s Toilet Comic

Greetings Buffalo New York. Greetings.

Perchance a query
on this evening dark and dreary.

Imagine if one were to have diarrhea AND constipation at the same time? I believe such a scenario would unfold…a little bit…like this:

(Pretends to pull knickerbockers down. Grunts and strains for several moments. Suddenly, a diarrhea sound effect.)

‘Ye Gads! What a morbid surprise! Had I known this liquid Hell were my destiny I surely would have put less effort forth into arriving here!’

Quoth the anus, "Flbthbthblpbpbfffffpt!!!"

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


“From The Neighborhood”
A Ginzo Goomba’s Guide to Being from the Neighborhood
By Tony Italiani
(pen name so I can have a right to talk about neighborhoods)

OK, wow. Hi. OK publisher. So I safe to say you didn’t piblush my Party Tips for Black People book because you never wrote back and I haven’t seen it in book stores and I didn’t get a money check but this next book is even better because it is great I had the idea while reading that Sopranos guy’s book A Goomba’s Guide to Love

and it gave me the idea From The Neighborhood: A Ginzo Goomba’s Guide to Being From the Neighborhood so here goes.

Chapter 1: Love

This chapter will act as a goomba’s guide to love. Mama mia!

Chapter 2: growing up in the neighbohod.

Here I will bretend I am a Italian from the neighbohohd. I tell traditional stories about my mama mia’s cooking and my papa pia’s crime gang. Real tight nit comyunity. Funny stories all written in a Brookland accent!

Chafter 3: You know you’re from the neighborhood (sp?) if you…
-had an uncle
-are a Italian actor
-pronounce pizza without sounding out the z’s (“peeetsa”)
-are a murderer
-are murdered
-are a redneck (JK jeff fockswerthy is GOD (JK jesus is))

CHAPT 4: famous Italian Americans
-Leonardo Davinchio
-Whos The Boss
-Onlympia Ducockiss

Chaptor 5: Neighborhood Shmeiborhood (sp?)

This chapter will make fun of the neighborhood for fun. What’s with ‘the neighborhood’? What is that baloney? Huh?
It’ll make people laugh because they like to see the things they love get yelled at sometime.

Happy publishing!