Some ideas the Onion News Network passed on.
Mike Tyson introduces own line of George Foreman style electric grills.
Tyson pitches: “it knocks out the fat, then rapes the fat’s wife in front of the fat’s children. I have a headache all the time. Don’t be such a faggot, America, buy this shit! I’m gunna take a nap while standing for a little bit. Wake me up when its time to rape and hurt people. ”
Brazil and other APEC countries announce higher ass prices.
The ass cartel APEC, headed by the ass-rich country of Brazil, released a statement today revealing they plan to increase the price of hot ass to 3 cocktails, 2 sushi dinners and 1 cute, self-effacing story of one’s awkward adolescence. The US and EU request that APEC increase production to meet demands and stabilize prices.
Metropolitan museum of art building open-air wing to house fecal-based paintings.