Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Exclusive News Headline: Billy Joel MURDERS Art Garfunkel
“Pianoman” Billy Joel is under arrest and on suicide watch after witnesses say he murdered fellow singing legend Art Garfunkel at a mutual friend’s Long Island home Monday evening.
Police say they received an anonymous call at 5:30pm claiming that Billy Joel was murdering an unidentified person. Upon arriving at the scene, arresting officer Michael Shwerm said he was surprised to discover it really was Joel, still in the process of murdering.
“Of course at the time, I had no idea the victim was Art Garfunkel," said Shwerm, "He was too badly burned and his skull was completely crushed, rendering him unrecognizable and disgusting. But something told me I should stop this murder.”
Investigators say it appears Joel had tried, unsuccessfully, to rip Garfunkel's face off, in an attempt to recreate the album cover of Joel's 1976 hit "The Stranger"
Officer Shwerm quickly took action,
“I fired a warning shot, but it was too late. Joel was done murdering. Now the victim, who turned out to be Art Garfunkel, was just plain murdered.”
Joel was taken to Nassau County prison where he awaits charges.
It’s unclear as to what caused the incident. One witness who wished to remain anonymous offered her opinion, “I think Billy Joel overreacted about something.”