Thursday, November 13, 2008

How to Relax When Screaming at your Grandparents

The day is finally here when you've decided to stop putting up with the bullshit of your grandparents and…surprise surprise, you're nervous!
BUT- you don't have to be bucause [sic] keep reading!

Step one: close your eyes. Don't get bogged down in greetings or kisses, you've got some screaming at them to do.

Step two: bend your knees, relax your hands then start screaming at both of your grandparents.

Step three: finish up your snarling, foaming-at-the-mouth verbal attack on your grandma. Count to three in your head. Eat a tablespoon of honey. Now tear apart your grandpa with your very loud angry words.

Step four: if you're still tense about screaming at those grandparents, try laying down on the ground or on a table. Guess what? They can still hear you shrieking at them, and its much more comfortable for you!

Look, no one said screaming at your grandparents was going to be easy. If it was, everybody would do it sometimes. But you made the decision no more bullshit. And for that you should be proud. And being proud is scientifically a type of relax. So CONGRAGULATIONS[sic]!

Also see: How To Relax When Punching


anne altman said...

my ex-boyfriends uncle waited in the foyer for his grandparents to come home and then as they opened the front door he shot himself in the head.


Lucas Held said...

Holy shit Anne. You've inspired me to continue with the grandparent-centric postings.

anne altman said...

i'm proud. and excited. and not in a sexual way. which is not rare.