I wish it wasn't necessary for me to post this sign, but apparently it is. Whoever has been masturbating their large-breed dog on my lawn PLEASE STOP! It is inconsiderate and it is KILLING my lawn!
I don't masturbate my iguanas on your property! In fact, I don't
masturbate my iguanas at all. Maybe you should consider not
masturbating your gigantic dog anymore- PERIOD.