Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Exclusive News Headline: Dustin Diamond PARALYZED During Stunt to Save his Mazda

Madison, WI
As part of his latest guerrilla fund-drive, this time to save his beloved Mazda 626, Dustin Diamond attempted to jump "super" high in the air, from a standing position, several times.

The small crowd that gathered in St. Marion Park to witness the stunt was impressed when Mr. Diamond completed his first jump.

"He jumped pretty high. He could probably get rim on a basketball hoop, no problem" Said one man who wished to remain anonymous because he gave a fake joke name.
"But his second jump…something went wrong. I think he got paralyzed."

EMT's who were present for the stunt said Mr. Diamond attempted to loop his arms, under his raised legs, mid jump, in a sort of "human jump rope" maneuver. However, he was unable to complete the dangerous & complicated move in time, and the crowd watched in horror as Diamond fell to his paralysis.

"He landed on his neck…That sound…The only way I can describe it is
it sounded almost like a series of bones and nerves getting damaged," Said witness, Danny Aiello.

Diamond was declared paralyzed at a small ceremony surrounded by friends and family.

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